Post by *haRuko.RinOa* on Aug 13, 2003 20:14:50 GMT -5
pano m nga ba masasabing nakamove on k n?
“Sometimes you sit and think, and you wonder if he can see it in your eyes...can he tell you still love him?...that there's nothing you would rather think about than the times he held you in his arms...can he see the tears? Cause they sure are there...deep down, sure enough, along with the pain and the loneliness that you bury so deep you're sure no one can tell. Sometimes you would give anything imaginable to be able to make him understand...to have one more chance to make him know how much he meant...to be able to feel complete...but you smile through it all...you talk like you always used to,and every time he smiles at you a tiny little pang of hope springs up, but you crush it before it can surface, before it can give you away...and you hug him good-bye like it's nothing...while all you want to do is hold on forever...but you let go, smile and walk away...then cry all the way home because you know it will never be the same...because try as you might you can't make someone love you, sometimes you have to let them be free...and letting go, that is when love hurts the most of all.”
I realized that it’s absurd to think that I can forget a past love. Especially the one I loved most. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve cried and the only thing I want to do now is to move on. I want to forget. I want to go out and have fun. I want to see new faces. And for some reason, I despise to go to my room for, like my heart, it is also surrounded by memories I better bury in the past. But how can I erase the memories when they seemed like forever stored in my heart and mind? I wonder and think of any possible ways to clear my mind. But no matter how hard I try, I can never forget.
And as I stare at my mobile now, yearning to dial his number, I know that this not-having-any-communication-thingy is not done for me to be able to forget him. I am doing this to finally accept the verdict of reality: that it’s over and I must let go…I should’ve given up on this 5 months ago, you know…I can’t believe it’s been 5 long months after that one fateful day…after THAT THING that well, made me stronger and weaker at the same time. I can’t believe that everything is still fresh in my mind. I can recite it detail per detail without missing anything. From the way he talked, his voice quivering to the way we both cried and how his hug felt that day. I can still recall…I know it like it was something to remember…Duh! Who would ever want to remember the way you lost a relationship and the person you loved the most? Well, as much as I don’t want to, I just can’t. The hurt is just too intense to put aside.
But time heals all wounds. And my wound is not yet healed. It stopped bleeding but not completely well. A bandage has been put on it and I must move on now...
I also realized that love isn’t just a one-shot deal. There are such things as second chances and mending of a broken heart. The ROTC (return of the comeback) thing would still work out, you know. For others, I guess…but as for me, enough is enough! I’ve had my time, I must now share a wonderful person like him to the world.
The truth? The reality still gives me the pits, which I want to believe is pretty normal. I can never rush the healing process, can I? I realized all these and I know that it’s a good start for the closure of my most favorite chapter of my life…
“We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.”
“You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. But be sure to bring with you the things you’ve learned. It can sustain growth…”
“Sometimes you sit and think, and you wonder if he can see it in your eyes...can he tell you still love him?...that there's nothing you would rather think about than the times he held you in his arms...can he see the tears? Cause they sure are there...deep down, sure enough, along with the pain and the loneliness that you bury so deep you're sure no one can tell. Sometimes you would give anything imaginable to be able to make him understand...to have one more chance to make him know how much he meant...to be able to feel complete...but you smile through it all...you talk like you always used to,and every time he smiles at you a tiny little pang of hope springs up, but you crush it before it can surface, before it can give you away...and you hug him good-bye like it's nothing...while all you want to do is hold on forever...but you let go, smile and walk away...then cry all the way home because you know it will never be the same...because try as you might you can't make someone love you, sometimes you have to let them be free...and letting go, that is when love hurts the most of all.”
I realized that it’s absurd to think that I can forget a past love. Especially the one I loved most. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve cried and the only thing I want to do now is to move on. I want to forget. I want to go out and have fun. I want to see new faces. And for some reason, I despise to go to my room for, like my heart, it is also surrounded by memories I better bury in the past. But how can I erase the memories when they seemed like forever stored in my heart and mind? I wonder and think of any possible ways to clear my mind. But no matter how hard I try, I can never forget.
And as I stare at my mobile now, yearning to dial his number, I know that this not-having-any-communication-thingy is not done for me to be able to forget him. I am doing this to finally accept the verdict of reality: that it’s over and I must let go…I should’ve given up on this 5 months ago, you know…I can’t believe it’s been 5 long months after that one fateful day…after THAT THING that well, made me stronger and weaker at the same time. I can’t believe that everything is still fresh in my mind. I can recite it detail per detail without missing anything. From the way he talked, his voice quivering to the way we both cried and how his hug felt that day. I can still recall…I know it like it was something to remember…Duh! Who would ever want to remember the way you lost a relationship and the person you loved the most? Well, as much as I don’t want to, I just can’t. The hurt is just too intense to put aside.
But time heals all wounds. And my wound is not yet healed. It stopped bleeding but not completely well. A bandage has been put on it and I must move on now...
I also realized that love isn’t just a one-shot deal. There are such things as second chances and mending of a broken heart. The ROTC (return of the comeback) thing would still work out, you know. For others, I guess…but as for me, enough is enough! I’ve had my time, I must now share a wonderful person like him to the world.
The truth? The reality still gives me the pits, which I want to believe is pretty normal. I can never rush the healing process, can I? I realized all these and I know that it’s a good start for the closure of my most favorite chapter of my life…
“We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.”
“You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. But be sure to bring with you the things you’ve learned. It can sustain growth…”
quiet na nga lng ako! ;D
